Monthly Archives: June 2010

Heidelberg and time to think

Heidelberg Germany

I’ve had two days on my own in Heidelberg and too much time to realize how much crap (tasty crap that is) I’ve consumed from day one. I did lose 4lbs at some point along the way but then proceeded to indulge to levels even the most gluttonous belly would be ashamed of.

Here I am, at 192lbs in the sweltering heat trying to avoid any accidental reflections of myself that may show me that I look just as bad as I feel. That sluggish, lazy, sweaty, chubby girl is sitting right here. But heres the thing. I realize that THIS isn’t me. This isn’t how I like to feel and I can’t wait to get back home and back into my life. I miss everything about home today.  The routine of getting ready in the morning and not having to fight for a shower with 5 hung over french dudes that stumbled into the hostel dorm at 1am, the way it feels to push through a 5km jog and get to 10kms, the way it feels to eat fresh healthy foods that have never heard the word ‘fried’ or ‘processed’, the kind of sweat that comes from the burn of a good work out opposed to just sitting at a cafe trying to avoid the sun.

Don’t get me wrong, I have loved almost every minute of my trip but this single day spent alone allowed me time to really FEEL how much I miss my life.  I also thought a lot about what I want to accomplish when I get back and how I’m going to make that happen.  Even laid back Europe couldn’t make me change my excessive neurotic need to plan and organize. What can I say? I absolutely THRIVE in routine. I love routine, I love knowing what I’m going to do and what to be excited about, I love knowing when to bust my ass and when to simply enjoy a moment.

I’ve kept a realistic goal of losing 10lbs per month up until I left for Europe but today I decided that I want to lose 30lbs by September 4th. Ambitious! I know. Realistic? Slightly less so. Do-able? With determination, consistency, and hard work, I think YES.  I will have 10 weeks to lose 30lbs; 3lbs per week.

Week 1: DETOX – Water water water. Only fresh fruit and veggies, and lean proteins. NO PRESERVATIVES, NO SUGAR, NO CHEATING

Every week after week 1: ROUTINE
Work out – 2 hours 5 times weekly and even go to the gym to start doing weights.
Ride bike home from work every day (also a money saver)
FOOD: Stay on plan every single day. EVERY DAY.  Did you hear me? Every single day.  Still working out the details but will fill you in when I have it worked out.

Anyone have a Summer plan? any ideas or tips on healthy summer meals or nonsugary ways to beat the heat? Please share.

Toni


Update From Europe

I have been on the road for 2 weeks now.  I have trekked and trained across Germany, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Austria and Slovenia. Tomorrow I start making my way back to Frankfurt, Germany with a few nights in Munich.

I will do a full review, complete with pictures when I return but for now all I have is a quick update.

My diet has been filled with Meat and potatoes and pastries.  In larger cities where accommodation swallows most of the daily budget, the only affordable meals are vendors with such local delicacies as burek, donairs, kebaps, pizza and sausages.  The other main meal is beer.
With lack of nutrition combined with the pure indulgence of gelato when ever possible, I was sure I must have gained back all of the weight I worked so hard to lose over 3 months. There was this constant obsession and almost paranoia cramping the enjoyment of my trip because there was nowhere to weigh myself. I could only look at myself in the mirror and what I saw was scaring me.

Finally, in the last city I stayed at an old house that must have belonged to someone who recently passed away. Everything and old person would have was kept exactly the same way.  The first thing I did was look for a scale.

186.5lbs. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. I didn’t gain more than a bit of water retention which I can handle for now.

I was so happy to see that I lost weight despite the horrible diet and could let the obsession go (at least for the last week of my trip).

Cant wait to get back to routine and jogging and super awesome salads for lunch. but, for 1 more week I get to eat gelato and drink beer and indulge.

Happy weight losing everyone.

See you in a week.

Toni


Joy

I found a little tiny cafe/deli on the corner behind my building appropriately named Joy’s because they brought me many bites of joy for lunch today.  This is what I have been asking the universe for since I started working in this building.  There’s not much around here in the way of food type places.  I could walk to the nearest mall with grocery strore, starbucks, subway and a few others,  but that takes me away from work for at least an hour. My options on days that lunch is forgotten or work goes late have been pizza or asking my boss to pick up some fries from Wendy’s.  It’s dreadful.  This new found Joy’s will make my life incredibly better from the point on.

Walking into Joy’s was like walking into lunch heaven, abundant in healthy options. I got

A fruit bowl

And a veg sandwich on whole wheat minus the cheese but the lunch lady went ahead and supplemented with a generous slap of mayo. (Noted for next time)

I am so perfectly on plan that I don’t think there is any more better left to try for. I’m even going to sneak in one last aquafit class tonight.  3 more days until I leave for Europe and I’m STILL trying to do my best.  Slightly impressed by myself right now.

I peeked at the scale this morning to find that I might have gained a pound…. or two. But, I’ve seen it turn around in a matter of days and  still hoping to see 180something before I leave.


People on the street…. and at work, and family, and friends

It seems like some sort of announcement blared over the news recently about my weight loss because everywhere I go people seem to notice.

Coworkers, family and Friends – They know me, they love me, they can see the obvious changes in appearance but it’s the people on the street who would never know the difference that surprise me. This week I had total strangers compliment on my appearance in some way and it’s not just the creepy dudes (although there has been plenty of that also). Flattery is always a welcome boost to confidence, but, as I mentioned before, I am quite the loner. This attention makes me completely uncomfortable and makes me want to crawl right back into my fat suite and hide.  I’ve noticed that people treat me differently, look at me differently, and I can get away with a whole lot more.  It’s dangerous to give a girl this much attention.  People are more engaged with what I have to say, more doors are held open, seats are offered, more smiles are flashed my way,  conversations spark while waiting to cross a street or in line at the grocery store.

As my appearance changes with my weight loss, I am also trying to change my mindset. I know beauty is on the inside, confidence, self esteem blah blah. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I know I’m a great person and have never suffered from low self esteem.  I mean…it’s difficult to believe the changes and accept that I might be considered beautiful to another person.  When I see a picture of myself I see a girl who is not gross anymore but still has a long way to go, not beauty.  The connection hasn’t clicked in my mind yet and the compliments and random attention on the street is on the verge of annoying.  Appreciated but annoying because of the constant internal struggle to really believe it.

So, what do I do?  This morning I decided to start a mental list of beautiful things. Things in the world that I know are beautiful and the things about myself that I know are beautiful so that the next time someone sends a compliment my way I will be able to see what they see.