It seems like some sort of announcement blared over the news recently about my weight loss because everywhere I go people seem to notice.
Coworkers, family and Friends – They know me, they love me, they can see the obvious changes in appearance but it’s the people on the street who would never know the difference that surprise me. This week I had total strangers compliment on my appearance in some way and it’s not just the creepy dudes (although there has been plenty of that also). Flattery is always a welcome boost to confidence, but, as I mentioned before, I am quite the loner. This attention makes me completely uncomfortable and makes me want to crawl right back into my fat suite and hide. I’ve noticed that people treat me differently, look at me differently, and I can get away with a whole lot more. It’s dangerous to give a girl this much attention. People are more engaged with what I have to say, more doors are held open, seats are offered, more smiles are flashed my way, conversations spark while waiting to cross a street or in line at the grocery store.
As my appearance changes with my weight loss, I am also trying to change my mindset. I know beauty is on the inside, confidence, self esteem blah blah. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I know I’m a great person and have never suffered from low self esteem. I mean…it’s difficult to believe the changes and accept that I might be considered beautiful to another person. When I see a picture of myself I see a girl who is not gross anymore but still has a long way to go, not beauty. The connection hasn’t clicked in my mind yet and the compliments and random attention on the street is on the verge of annoying. Appreciated but annoying because of the constant internal struggle to really believe it.
So, what do I do? This morning I decided to start a mental list of beautiful things. Things in the world that I know are beautiful and the things about myself that I know are beautiful so that the next time someone sends a compliment my way I will be able to see what they see.