It’s 7 am on a sunday morning and I am about to head out to the street for a 10km run. I feel hyper with excitment, a renewed hope and confidence in myself to accomplish anything and everything I want. This self assurance didn’t come easily. I started last week in a tough place and took a few days to think about why I’m feeling STUCK. I mean, for the most part, I am happily living a pretty great life , yet still had this nagging feeling like something was missing. I came to a conclusion after 1 day of good ol’ soul searching…..I hate my job. Correction, I love parts of my job and really hate the rest. I love the company, the people, working in the event industry, doing the design and layout projects but the rest I am just sick of doing day in and day out, I’m sick of sitting at a desk and staring at a computer for 8 hours. After a long and difficult discussion with my boss I realized that there is nowhere to take this particular position. It is what it is and always will be and can’t expect it to be much more. That is not good enough for me. Do I really want to be sitting in the same place in life 10 years from now?… NO.. absolutely not. I want to move forward, to be challenged, to enjoy ALL life has to offer including my career.
So.. my exciting announcement: I’m going back to school for Interior Design. WOOHOO. The program starts as part-time studies until I can get into the diploma program. I will continue working full-time while taking evening classes for 2 years, and still train to run a half marathon. It’s true. I am super woman. 🙂 not really but I love that feeling.
I’m gearing up, making plans, saving the monies, picking my course schedule and enrolling.
Due to the extremely emotional and difficult week leading up to decision making, I resorted to food to help me feel better. I felt crazy like a drug addict searching for a perfect fix. I could remember the sugar rush after too many treats, the caffeine high, the chemicals in my brain reacting and giving me that feel-good feeling. I resisted, rationalized, avoided, ran it off, drank more tea and water… but, one day I just couldn’t get it out of my mind so I conveniently went to the nearest coffee shop to get “tea”, picked the biggest most sugary and calorie packed treat in the pastry shelf, scarfed it down, felt the rush and immediately felt gross and disappointed. And then I did it again. I did it 3 days in a row. Even though my new skinny toni brain knows it’s not worth it , I didn’t care. I just wanted it. After feeling crappy for 3 days I decided that that was enough, had a good stern talk with myself and set up my plan for the rest of the week.
Even though I had a mini re-lapse there is still a positive side. I KNEW what I was doing. I carefully chose each treat, I also had 1 at time instead of 3 or 4 or 5, I recognized my feelings before, during and afterward. I thought through the process. I still gave in but in a very calculated way. I also did not let it last. I put all the different pieces together and was able to get out quickly.
It’s all part of the learning process and I am totally, completely on track this week and moving forward, excited about progress and ready to do the work… the really hard work.